I thought I would have a post about my first-year of college out by now, but I have been so unmoved like man what is there to say lol. I don't really know how to write about it without saying every basic sappy moment and without people knowing who I'm talking about because the school is so goddamn small. ANYWHO, the theme for my first-year, throughout the good and the bad, is gratitude. I am grateful for the good times had and the lessons learned. I had so much fun and I am glad that I went away for school, which is something I wondered if I'd regret. I'm grateful that I made it back in one piece, physically and mentally, and for all the growing that I did. Good, bad, or neutral I am a different person than I was going into freshman year and that's just a fact. I am very appreciative of the person I am now and I really fuck with her, like if I could split myself in two and just be rocking with my clone I would, like I love me down.
I will say that I think this was one of the best school years (maybe year) in my life. I don't know if that's lame or not...will get back to you in a year. The highs were high high and the lows were way down in the gutter low, but it was a time. I came into this feeling very worried about the future. My very second post on this blog is titled, "how I decided to go away for college...". Reading that back now seeing everything I talked about and how so much of what I wanted has came true just warms my heart. I worried a lot about making the right decision--first when deciding I would apply to schools out-of-state, then when deciding I wanted to go to a liberal arts school, then when deciding if I should to to a PWI or an HBCU, then when applying to **** ED1, then when actually packing my stuff and heading out there. Throughout this whole process, my first MAJOR transition, I was questioning if anything I was doing was the right choice. Before this I had never even MOVED before, now I was deciding to cross state lines and lay my pillow down in ole Pennsylvania? Woah.
Again, I emphasized this anxiety over making the wrong choice in my, "about college...", post. I talked a lot about not wanting to be in my comfort zone. Before I left for school, I made a vision board with all the things I wanted to embody in my time at college and some of the goals I wanted to complete. On the board, I have a picture that iterates that I should not stay in my comfort zone, and friends, I don't think I was comfortable for one second in my first-year LMAO. BUT IN A GOOD WAY. I was really good at just pushing myself to say yes to things when offered, and to show up to everything I could, especially if the only barrier was just letting them know that I was interested.
Some of my other goals were to go to a concert, which I did for the first time lol, to dress the way I really wanted to, and to just have fun by taking risks and not being so worried about the "what-ifs?". I have to say that I met a lot of my goals, I still have yet to get my drivers license (no Olivia) and a tattoo, BUT it's coming soon. The meeting of these goals and the others that were on my vision board just reassures to me that my first-year was a productive one, even in small ways like just going to a concert.
I also figured out my major. That was something I was really stressed about because I was scared I would never figure it out and that I'd feel the pressure of wasting people's money, but also just very worried that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Then by chance, like I knew it would, it smacked me in the face. On the drive to school on move-in day, my Godfather asked me what I was majoring in and he kinda answered himself by saying environmental science, I guess I had mentioned it before and he remembered, so I nodded and said yeah even though I hadn't even given that possibility a thought. I don't know what made him remember me mentioning that interest to him or maybe my mom did, I don't know, but just by chance that influenced me to sign up for two environmental studies classes. One class that I took that focused on environmental justice is what made me know that I had to major in environmental studies.
The English side of me couldn't be malnourished though. I took an English class that happened to be about literature that engages with the environment. Not in the trees and nature-ey kinda way but in a really interesting way that we wouldn't think about. Like the Hiroshima bomb and how hydrocarbons (like coal) and the atomic bomb are aspects of the environment that when manipulated by humans cause harm, violent harm. It was so interesting. That helped peak my English side, which was also fed with my class last semester about Apocalypses, which funnily enough, still connected to my environmental studies classes. All my classes last semester intertwined perfectly with one another, which made the course load seem way lighter.
So, what this word vomit means is that I plan on majoring in Environmental Studies and minoring in English. Hopefully I stick with the shit because I don't feel like staring over. It makes me happy to see it written out and the classes I take within them always make me happy, I even get better grades in these classes so I know they're for me. I also lowkey wanna add some philosophy in there too so maybe I'll just take more philosophy classes.
To conclude, they tried to kill your famous, your favorite bitch, but they didn't succeed. Nah just kidding, but forreal my first year of college was a time. I have learned so much school wise and social wise and I know I'm only gonna continue to get better.
Thank you and goodnight.
I also hate to be that bitch, but for personal relics sake I would just like to say that I got all A's in all four of my classes last spring semester and that is something I never thought would be possible in college because college is hard as fuck so woop woop me!! That was a goal I set at the end of fall semester, purr.
Okay bye for real now.
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