so i'm in college now.

We are in Season 4 of the life that is Kayla Miller. This season, the gang is in college *queue applause.*

Like others in the class of 2021 I did, what I like to call, a Married at First Sight with my college. Like literally. I came in with a list of things that I wanted in an ideal college, was paired up with one, got in thanks to the "experts" or admin in this case, and committed myself to four long years at my college with little knowledge on what it looked like and about as much information as you could get virtually. Ta-dahhh! I should literally wait the eight weeks and see if I'm gonna stay "married" or if I'm gonna get divorced. Divorce isn't really an option though because unless I get hate crimed, I'm gonna ride out the four years.

So far it's been two weeks of college life. I was gonna try and wait to write this until a bit more time has passed, but college moves so fast that so much has happened already.

The only peer pressure I feel is to make my bed. I am not a bed maker in the slightest, but here I feel like I have to or else!

For some reason I thought everyday would be like a weekend in college, but no it is still very much school. I find myself really bored throughout the week because I am literally in westbubblefuck and there is nothing to do. Then again, I probably wouldn't do anything if there was stuff to do so I cannot complain. I thought college was gonna be bitches shaking ass; it's just bitches failing class. If I don't have anything to do then most of my time is spent in the library catching up on readings. There is so. much. reading. My god. The only part of the college aesthetic that I will subscribe to is going to the library. I feel so studious and like I'm in a movie waiting for the love of my life to walk up to me and ask me what book I'm reading. But no, sigh. I refuse to pull all nighters, that getting no sleep thing is not cute...respectfully!

I never feel clean. OMG! Other people have told me the same thing, but at college you just feel dirty all the time. No matter how many showers you take or how many times you switch your towels or your sheets you just feel so dirty. It's not like I'm doing anything different than I was at home it just the constant shared space that makes you feel disgusting. For some reason the girlies are leaving their whole heads in the sinks and showers. Just DNA everywhere LMAO. When I leave here I am going to burn my shower shoes. I've learned to say hi to the random strands of hair that aren't mine. My lounge microwave looks like Satan's toenails omg. I did get my period here and it wasn't terrible, I haven't leaked at all surprisingly and I don't feel as gross as I thought I would.

I went to my first ever party that wasn't someone birthday party. It was lame tho. It was just like 30 people standing around in a group listening to terrible music. Never again.

I've been to a soccer game and there was very little school spirit. Maybe because its the first week idk. I'm just a very spirited person when it comes to cheering and being hype (depending on the time). I feel like it was worse than my high school's school spirit and even those dudes did a little chant or something. Not critiquing anybody, but I would like to see more school spirit wise, like we literally pay to be here shake some ass or something *respectfully*. I keep saying respectfully because I don't know who's reading this and I don't wanna come across as a bitch lmaoo. I am impulsively typing this at 9 am tho so we'll see what happens.

Now to get depressing...College can be kinda lonely because it feels like your back home friends are always busy or you guys' timing just never lines up. I feel like I have no idea what's going on in my friends lives and there seems to be so much happening. It's a weird transition from knowing everything to having to be updated about things that happened weeks ago. Also people at school are weirdly close and it's only been a two weeks. I get that though, people are away from their people--many for the first time ever, so I see how they end up getting attached to each other super fast. I miss my person. I think the only reason I haven't joined the besties wave with new people its because I have experienced getting attached too fast and setting up unhealthy expectations with limited boundaries. That was a mouthful. I talked about that in Too Many Bestfriends? I think a big thing to keep track of in college is your boundaries. Its easy to let some down so you can be agreeable and make new friends, but that'll only come back to bite you when you end up in a shitty friendship because you didn't set healthy boundaries. College moves fast, but it is okay to take things slow when it comes to friendships. You do not know these people, lol.

More to that is that college feels like an alternate timeline from the real world. Everything moves so fast--the friendships, the classes, the time you take to adjust. I've only been here for two weeks, but it feels like a month. It doesn't help that it seems like my world is falling apart back home. Weird times we're in my dudes.

Am I homesick yet? No. I enjoy being on my own because I like having autonomy. It's not like I don't get that at home, but I don't have to explain myself to anyone here because no one is my mother. I can just do what I want and preform whatever actions I want. I can get up and walk out at 11pm any night because I want some air without having to say a word. I don't know. I just enjoy being the only person I have to explain myself to.

I think what's also cool about being away is that my self-confidence is maybe the highest its ever been (but it do still go low girl). Mainly because this place isn't my home. I can detach in a weird way because nobody knows me. I quite literally don't care as much as compared to when I'm home. Its helped because I dress the way I wanna dress. That's my favorite part about being somewhere else. My outfit creative juices have just been flowing out of my finger tips.

Here are some tid-bits of advice I've heard so far on this college journey of mine:

• it doesn't take a long time to create something meaningful it takes a lot of trust

• know your limits

• don’t feel pressured to be constantly doing something

• find something you really like and keep to it

• explore what opportunities are there to be funded by the school over the summer

• try everything

• don’t be scared to get out of your comfort zone

• "i am who i am and people are going to love me for that"

• get comfortable w being uncomfortable

• do something brave everyday

• give people the benefit of the doubt (to an extent!)

My personal fave gifted to you by mwah!:

• yolo because the world is ending

Oh yeah, how could I forget. The food! The food is okay, its not utterly disgusting and there are a little bit of options in the places you could go to get something. I am tired of feeding myself though, I am getting tired of eating everything. And I think the 15 is coming to me because my jeans starting to feel a little tight 😵‍💫. I keep telling myself that its just my butt getting bigger but idkkk 🤧.

Anyways, that's all for now. In summary, the place is okay. It's not my salvation, the reason I live and breather, nor the best time in my life but its something. I realize I didn't talk at all about classes and you know...actual school LMAO. That's kinda because I only have some classes once a week so I've only met with some once so far. If you are interested or if I want to run my typed out mouth, I'll make a post about how classes are going and how I manage whatever workload I'm given.

THANKS FOR READING! Did you know that kmworded. is 9 followers away from 100 followers on instagram?! So exciting. Maybe we can reach 100 by my birthday? <3.