Personally, I've lost the meaning of the word "best friend.'' I have overused it throughout elementary school, middle school, and even some of highschool. I have always had more than one bestfriend. Maybe that's the non-committal sagittarius in me, or just my love for people (LMAO, yeah right.) Point is, I've never shied away from welcoming someone into my umbrella of best friends.
I tend to research my blog posts topics while planning for each post and while researching the topic of too many bestfriends, many articles saw nothing wrong with having multiple bffs. They said the same things I had been saying to myself for a while--each bestfriend plays a different role in your life. However, I feel like I've been too loose with the "best" word and haven't put as much emphasis on the actual "friends" part.
I've learned that there is nothing wrong with someone just being your friend. Friendship is sacred and a powerful word in itself, and just because you feel close to someone that doesn't mean they have to be automatically bumped to the title of "bestfriend." That is why we have other words to use in its place for people who we aren’t as close with such as: peer, colleague, co-worker, associate (even though I dislike that word because it has such a petty connotation), and many more.
You may be reading this and saying, "well duh Kayla you should have realized that everyone isn't your friend",but I'm well aware and have been aware of that. I didn't write this because of a bad encounter with someone I saw as my "bestfriend", I wrote this because I felt an overwhelming obligation to the people I have called my best friend. This absolutely isn’t meant to shade anybody however some of the people I've called my best friend have only used me to vent, some of the people I've called my best friend barely talk to me outside of school, some of the people I've called my best friend didn’t even consider me to be theirs (I know...so embarrassing). I’m so careless with the title of best friend; maybe because I’m afraid to lose people. I want people to feel like they’re important to me and in my unaffectionate mind...what better way to show that than by calling them my best friend.
A best friend is your soulmate, a bond that you feel you were meant to discover. I have a different bond with each of my best friends, but equally as powerful.
I’ve always wanted to have a huge group of friends that hung out together and partied (yeahh, I’m not even a patier). Yet, somehow I got it warped that I had to be best friends with 6 different people to have that. I’ve always been a part of a friend group, ever since pre-k, lol, and I loved it. There is an article, “Having Too Many Friends Can Be Hazardous”, by Elle and I relate to it because it is literally me. Over the course of this year, I’ve made a few new close friends. The article (which you should read because it's under a minute and you can skim, Sally) describes friendships and the attributes that come with the level of “close-friendship” which include: emotional support, instrumental support, and companionate support. (Again, read the article for those terms to be explained). Basically, I am supposed to be there for harsh times like break-ups but also expected to stay awhile to chat about our favorite tv show, but in my case for like five people in a day. As a result of me being so eager to tie the bestfriend-knot with people, I take on such a big task. Eventually, I become less consistent (on top of how inconsistent I already am as a friend) and some friendships get worn down into only one of the supports--usually the one that benefits them and drains me. I will repeat that there is nothing wrong with having multiple best friends. I have three, which is a lot as it is. The problem, though, is when you forget your worth.
I wrote this for people like me who put a lot into friendships whether others want to admit it or not, and who struggle with establishing boundaries. It is easy for me to get taken advantage of because certain people have seen me as one thing in their life. Normally, the energy I give people isn’t reciprocated and it was actually a video by Nathaya Nae called “Toxic Ex-Bestfriend” that inspired my thinking of this. Am I innocent in the way these friendships ended? No. But every ending presents a lesson, and the lesson I learned from friendships is that my happiness comes first (to an extent you egomaniac). In the past and even to this point I’ve put aside my own comfortability to make other people feel important and heard; even when they didn't have the same intentions for me. It is a privilege to be even my friend (yes bitch, have that confidence to say that!). I have not been taught that people need to earn a place in my life. And that’s not me being cocky, that’s just me being raw--straight like that. So I am teaching myself to learn the power in forming and maintaining more meaningful relationships. Do you know how great it feels to have someone just know you? Without you saying a word, simply because you’ve spent that time together and built such a tight bond. Well, that’s how I feel with my bestfriends. They know me.
There is power in smaller friendships. Lately, I’ve been asking myself if I can see myself being friends with the people I’m close to now for the long run. Like after highschool, through college, and in the future. The answer--I can. To all my cynics out there, I truly hope that you can find a bond with one other person because having a bestfriend (or (s) plural) is unmatched. I truly hope this didn’t offend anyone, it's just that during quarantine I’ve been thinking a lot about me and how I’ve just been “existing” rather than living, but that’s another story for a different post. Lastly, I seem to always go searching for something new but through difficult experiences I've realized the people who have always been there for you are the people you should always support. In the words of Drake "No New Friends!"
P.S Think of this as a love letter to all my close friends. I love you so much, especially through all my attitudes, inconsistencies, and weird phases. Thank the universe I was blessed with a non-toxic group of friends (on a good day, lmaoo. jp!)
P.S.S If my cousins (shoutout to pennies!!) don’t know who you are then we aren’t best friends…
P.S.S.S I’ve seen the word friends so many times while writing this and I’m realizing how weirdly it’s spelled.
