Okay maybe nobody has said, “when you grow up”, but the point remains. Nobody asks you what you like to do, they just ask what job do you wanna attach yourself to for the next 20 years. Why is all my value attached to the place I work/career I have and not the things I enjoy doing that I necessarily don't get paid for.
When people ask me what I want to do when I'm older I always say I don't know because I know telling them I want to be Carrie Bradshaw (sans the sex column, not my vibe) will not suffice. No, but seriously, I don't know. I'm a person who tends to live in the future, but when asked that question I see...nothing. It's nothing I've ever dreamed of or liked to think about because I knew I'd eventually figure it out.
People don't like when you say you don't know.
The conversation usually goes,
"What do you wanna do, like what do you want to be?"
I nervously chuckle, "Uhhh, yeah I don't really know."
"Oh, so what are you going to major in?"
"Uhh yeah no, I don't know that either."
"Oh....okay. Well, you should make sure you figure that out, wouldn't want to waste your time."
"Gotcha."
I've never had so many people ask me the same question over and over during one part of my life. If I knew what I wanted to do I would love to brag and lay out my plans to all, but I simply don't. I've always changed my mind about this, last summer I wanted to be a graphic designer because I designed a few posters and presentations 🤡. I put the clown emoji because it's sad that I feel like anything I sort of like has to become a job I aim for for the next years of my life. There's so much pressure from other people to figure it out right now, but even the people who say I have time are starting to sound a little condescending (in a nice way, which is probably not possible because that is the literal opposite of the word). I say that because that implied time frame is always short. What if I never figure it out? Would that be the end of the world?
I'm not going to be persuaded into monetizing my hobbies. I've thought about that, kinda similar to me deciding to be a graphic designer because I was whoring out Canva, and I realized that I don't want to do that. The obvious suggestion would be becoming a writer. Admittedly, I didn't want to pursue that at first because I was scared I wouldn't be good enough. Plus, I could never imagine writing a 300-page book. Then there was the fact that it feels like every main character of every teen drama ever was a fucking writer. Like all of them, or they wanted to become one. I have this need to be original so that definitely deterred me, LMAO. But, a more logical reason I have now is that I don't want my hobby to become a job. That's not a really original thought, but it makes sense. When you monetize your passions it becomes a chore. Labor is not fun, no matter how you put it. I don't ever wanna have resentment towards writing because it feels like a job instead of the escape that made me fall in love with it. Maybe I'll change my mind, but for now eh.
Back to the excerpt above, I hate the idea of not "wasting" time. For starters, time is relative I don't know what that means but I hear people say it. Okay so looked it up, and it basically means it's different for everyone depending on your perspective (yes? no? Idk just read what it says here.) Secondly, who's time is it, mine or yours? We got somewhere to be? I have no problem wasting time in that sense because for me it won't be a waste. I am a believer in the butterfly effect (LMAO LIKE ITS A CHOICE) and also the idea of destiny and every moment and decision I make is imperative for me to reach whatever I was destined to be. There's no rush because I'm on my own path and timeline. It's just starting to annoy me because I (in the nicest possible way) didn't ask.
I've never been asked so many questions about my life and my decisions, what the fuck.
A person on Twitter wrote that she didn't really get an idea of what she wanted to do until she was in her very late 20s. I think that's because, for some people, there is no perfect job. There is no dream job for them (even though that "I don't have a dream job phrase is used a lot now, lol.) I say this, not to say that I'm anti-college, but to propose that we don't have to go to college with the purpose to get a job. I’m going to college because I enjoy learning, I enjoy being a student, and because I don’t know everything yet since required learning doesn’t teach you everything. That purpose is valid.
We've been taught that you pick a college to pick a major to pick a job. I'm using college to guide me and to help me explore life. I'm not going in with the intentions of worrying about a job, because I'm not gonna take classes I don't care about just to secure a place in the tech job market, or whatever market. Excluding the supermarket though, I've always wanted to work in a supermarket it just seems peaceful.
But at the same time, stop trying to convince people to not go to college. That is a very personal choice, we all know its a scam but a lot of jobs require having a college degree to even be eligible. Let people follow their own path, don't condemn dropping out but don't scare people who are going to college, LMAO. We are not all supposed to be doing the same exact thing, and that is okay.
I know for sure that I'm probably gonna major in English Literature at the very least. However, for the most part, I don't know; I haven't even touched the grass on the campus yet.
Luckily for me, when I’m confident in a decision you can’t put doubt into my plans. It doesn’t even mean I necessarily love the decision, but once I’ve decided there’s no going back and forth with me unless I still have some unsurity (I coulda sworn that was a word but apparently it's not) and I ask your opinion. I’m a very, "I did it I’ll deal with the consequences" type of person. If I made the choice against your “warnings” or “advice” and it goes wrong that’s on me but I’m never gonna allow people to create doubt in me or let them tell me what I should do. It’s my life and I didn’t ask to be here but I’m sure as hell not gonna let others' opinions control how I live the life that was forced upon me, LMAO (kiddingggg I sooo live it here, grateful for every day <3 👀.)
Seriously, do what you wanna do. No matter who's paying (they shoulda wore a condom) or who has an opinion on it. At the very least, show that you can make shit happen for yourself while still be unsure/undecided. I'm sure we understand the spectrum of knowing what's best for you, but also not ignoring people's valid concerns about your life (righttt?).
I'm going to get a job eventually (its still fuck capitalism and class inequality), but I've detached from the mindset that the job has to be something related to what I enjoy. Of course, I don't want to be miserable, but there are jobs that aren't terrible, they're just a job that you are able to do.
Majorly, this isn't to judge anyone who knows what they wanna do. I didn't get that vibe but in the rare case you do, there's no judgement. In this world we have Squidwards, Spngebobs, and Patricks. Squidward hates his job, but it pays the bills to his nice house where he can enjoy playing his clarinet and lovely baths; Spongebob loves his job with everything in him and is living his dream; Patrick doesn't work because he prioritizes jellyfishing, friendship, and being lazy. I hope to one day be a perfectly blended combination of all three.
If you wanna hear more about the anti-dream job mindset, or if you just feel stuck because you don't know what you want to do, watch these videos:
They also all have other videos surrounding similar topics so just binge their channels.
