The number two seems to be a good number. I like the number two--it's reliable, it's responsible, it gives older sibling energy, but yet it's still a bit spontaneous (so def only child energy). I get a bit of energetic vibe from the number two. However, sophomore year has never ceased to stress me the fuck out, it's never my favorite.
Let's think back: second grade came and went, I don't really remember her. Then there was sixth grade (we started middle school in fifth) and I fear I don't remember sixth grade either, I just know she wasn't as iconic as fifth grade (fifth grade was messy as hell). Then there was sophomore year of high school and I have never been lower in life--I would not go back if you paid me! Okay, gross exaggeration, but still, tenth grade was not it.
With this in mind, one can't help but understand why I'd be a bit hesitant going into sophomore year of college. I think I only like the beginning of things. The beginnings (first years) of things are always good to me. I can tell you every detail about first grade, fifth grade, ninth grade, and my freshman year of college, but when it comes to the second year of all these education levels I either have no memories or bad memories. That is not to say that sophomore year of college cannot be different!
In fact, I'm not saying that I expect sophomore year to be shitty because when you put that energy out, what do you expect to get back? But, what I am saying is that I wouldn't be surprised if it was.
I feel like with all the other years you have something to look forward to. As a first-year you're going into a new experience and finding your bearings. In junior year, you're halfway through your time and are almost one foot out the door, that's when you do all the preparation to really be out the door. Lastly, for senior year that's when you're doing all your lasts. You are only a few months shy of graduation and you're establishing some final memories and experiences. Sophomore years always feel like a stepping stone, something you just have to experience to get to the other side. What do I have to look forward to?
That was dramatic. There is much to do (oh yes), I have never had so much on my plate at once, which is why I question if I'm even looking forward to this year. I usually keep a balanced schedule, only commit to like one major thing and then just have a bunch of low maintenance side hobbies, but this year friends I have about four things that I would consider major. Who told me to go from one to four? Nobody, especially not my mom who possesses the logic and reason of a virgo that I, a sagittarius, do not possess. I went off of vibes and they all felt cool and feasible so why the hell not? And who says that it won't all work out in the end? When it comes to me it definitely will, but not without a ton of stress, and complaining, and crying, and journaling, and passive aggression, blah blah blah, it'll be fine!!
I really like the number two, she is very calming and if I was a number I feel like I'd be the number 2 (or the number 3 or 5 I just really gravitate to that which is weird because I don't feel like I give odd number energy, but that is besides the point and we are now off topic.)*
ANYWAYS...I think a common thread throughout my sophomore years is that my friend situation was weird. Thinking back, in second grade I wasn't close with the best friend I had in first grade because we weren't in the same class or we just fell out (I honestly don't remember). Then in sixth grade it was weird because I wasn't in the same class as my other two best friends (who I was in a trio with), so then I was in a different trio that only lasted until maybe seventh grade. Then in sophomore year of high school I lowkey hated everyone and I was trying to self-isolate from my friend group. Also one of my friends moved away so there was a different dynamic--I was really angsty and moody that year.
I feel like college is different. Everyone is really busy and doing their own thing, which is reassuring because that means everyone is equally stressed out, sometimes I forget that. Not on some I'm the only person in the world going through things type stuff, but rather that I just have faith that everyone around me has their shit together and that all their stuff will workout in the end. I only fuck with superheroes what can I say. I also think that because I'm not in a limbo state with the people I'm friends with it may be better than it has been, but sophomore year really does have a curse on it so who knows.
When things get to be a lot on me every bone in my body tells me to isolate myself until I figure the shit out. I feel like tenth grade was a mixture of me isolating because I was stressed out by my friend situation, but also my isolation causing bad vibrations with my friends (if that makes sense? the wording, not my actions.)
Do I think isolating is a bad thing? Mhmm, perhaps. I just like to be sad and mad at the world on my own. When I'm stressed out, frustrated, or annoyed my hormone monster (like the one from Big Mouth) comes out and my tone, attitude, vibes, are just all off. Something about sophomore year just triggers the hell out of that 😭.
So, you asked me my thoughts on sophomore year? My thoughts are that I am scared. I am pre-stressed. I am anxious. I am worried. I think a lot of growth will happen during sophomore year. I have more tools to express myself and set boundaries than I did when I was a sophomore in high school, so I think that'll help me navigate tougher situations. I also feel like I'm around individuals who know how to do the same, which isn't a dig to the people from my past (most of the people from my past) because we were actual children, and I was a bit of a terror--not in a mean way (I hope), but in a very cringe, very emotional, very didn't know how to communicate kind of way.
I plan to just exist and just get through it. I honestly just wanna vibe, drink water, mind my business, laugh a little (a lot and at everything), and mind my business again.
For all the sophomores--second graders, sixth graders, tenth graders, college students, all of the like, I hope this year is good to you. May you receive all the As you want, may you be around great people, may you be happy, may you have fun, and may you continue to read kmworded throughout the school year 😁 (Moreso for the high schoolers and up tho).
I love us for real, have a great school year 🤎.
P.S I was gonna put all the class years, but I don't know what year a second grader would graduate college and I fear I do not want to do the math. May the Class of 2038 (?) be great!
*P.SS I want your opinion, if I was a number what would I be? I think you have to agree that I don't give odd number energy, but then that would disappoint me because I think odd numbers are cool and I don't wanna be a lame goody two shoes even number, but then even is kinda charming. I don't know, please tell me.
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