When I'm really sad and tired and bored I have this desire to move to the middle of nowhere and just live out small-town life. I'm from Brooklyn, NY so whenever I leave my house or even am just sitting in my apartment there are always people around. Project walls are thin LMAO nah, but the walls are really thin in NY so when someone's in the backyard I can hear everything as if they're in the room with me. It's hard being a sometimes asocial city kid.
Actually no, I don't even think that it's being asocial, I think it's more so never being truly alone. Of course, I'm home alone plenty, but you're never really alone in the city, which can be comforting and suffocating at the same time. So many teen tv shows show off small-town life so it's weird to me when people not from cities have the desire to run off to the "big city." Think Hawkins, or Rosewood, Stars Hollow (whatever else). In a lot of ways, I feel like small towns should be romanticized more than the city.
That's not because I hate New York, I actually dislike when people--natives and tourists, talk badly about it as a whole. New York is great, but all great things have flaws. The same way they say too much of a good thing isn't good (or whatever they say). I love Brooklyn with my whole entire life, it's where I wanna live when I finish college, but it can be suffocating.
I wanna run off to a small town because I dislike people sometimes. I like the idea of sitting in a random patch of grass or sitting in a car on a barely used road and just being...alone. No cars driving past me, no blasting music, no weird men walking past me making eyes (swear every time I think a man is going to do something creepy they always end up doing something creepy, even if I try to give them the benefit of the doubt before I walk past them).
I've always wanted to live in a house. Love the culture fusion of living in an apartment building because of all the different families growing in one building however, I still wish I lived in a house. I wish I had a porch and a backyard I could go and take "aesthetic" pictures.
I wish I could have both. The peace/serenity of being in the middle of nowhere, and the liveliness of the city. One thing I can say about living in such a condensed place is that you can be anonymous, which I guess you can't get in a small town where everyone knows you. Like of course you have your locals, and your neighbors, and the people you see on the bus who have the same schedule as you, but most people see so many different people in one day that you're easily forgotten. That idea has helped me get over my social anxiety--I say to myself in my head, "I never have to see these people again so who cares."
Living in Brooklyn can be scary though. People can be so violent. Makes me not want to leave my house. I used to love the idea of going places alone, but I'm now admittedly scared with all the stuff that's been happening lately. (I sound like a 75-year-old old lady, ik.)
I love New York but maybe I have to leave it? I have a hard time letting things go. Like physical things--places and objects. I'm the type of person to keep something just in case I might find it useful eventually. That might be a little irrelevant, lol. I need a break. (?)
Summer is really when my social anxiety peaks. The heat paired with the stress over how to dress because of the heat, it's just always a lot. And there are just too many people in NYC. I enjoy being outside, but there's really no (safe) place for me to be alone outside. Nowhere I have to myself, to feel comfortable. But, maybe I just have to find one.
I wish I could run away to a small town, like a Hallmark movie. Just for a season, unlike those main characters, I would never fall in love and stay there to reenact Charlotte's Web on my grandparents' farm.
I have to state that obviously I would never because I'm black and racism is a bitch, so this all idealizing a hypothetical small town that isn't raging with racists and close-minded people. Ideally, everyone would be mellow and non-microagressive, but also not oblivious to world issues and race. Too much to ask for?
Anyways, I love New York to the death of me <3 but one day I will make my small-town escape. I will come back though to live out my Carrie Bradshaw lifestyle!