You know that picture of evolution that starts with an ape all hunched over that slowly morphs into the homo sapiens that stands on two feet. We understand that to be the evolution of mankind (at least some of us do, but different conversation). Then there's the beloved evolution to becoming a bimbo that circulates on Twitter. We see the dorky nerd girl with the ponytail and glasses drop her book on the floor. As she rises she gains a hefty bust, a spray tan, blonde hair, and high heels. She has become the bimbo.
So there we have two examples of evolution depicted with images. With that in mind, I'd like to present another depiction of evolution. The evolution of font usage. For those who have ever used a google doc or any other paper writing application, there are a plethora of fonts for us to choose from. There are the classics: Arial, Roboto, and Times New Roman. There are the upper class: Playfair, Oswald, and Merriweather. And lastly, there are the chaos reekers: Comic Sans, Bangers, and Amatic. My friends, there are so many different kinds of fonts and they are very character defining. I am not quick to embrace change, if I were to tell it I'd say that I've used the same font my whole life, however when I actually think about it that isn't the case. See, my font usage has evolved throughout the years since I typed my very first essay on the computer back in middle school. I would like to travel down memory lane and mark this evolution. I hope that by the time I am down I am able to be ranked alongside marvels of evolution depiction such of that as the evolution from ape to man, and from nerdy lame-o to bustful bimbo.
While reading this I want you to keep one question in mind: When you aren't working on an academic paper and being forced into the confines of Times New Roman, what is your go-to font?
Let's begin. To start my research I had to go deep into my google docs history to find old essays I had written on my account. Unfortunately, many of the ones I had from middle school are on my school account which is gone far into the abyss. So, I had to pull from memory. Back in middle-school, we weren't forced to submit our essays in Times New Roman. Because of this, I believe I had full creative control to be honest about the font that drew me in the most. I had that creative freedom that they beat out of you as you get older. I honestly wasn't given font regulations until I was in high school (at least that's what I remember, but maybe it was eighth grade).
I know for sure that essay wasn't written in Times New Roman, but my memory is hazy so I can't remember the exact font. Oh shit, maybe it was I generally cannot remember. Despite this, some of my peers had some...eccentric font choices. I have always side-eyed people who used bad fonts (sorry not sorry). It is very character defining, especially if you're using one of those big-ass fonts like why are we calling right now. I preferred something calmer so I began my journey with Arial or Coming Soon (this could also be me rewriting history because I genuinely do not remember).
Looking back at it, Arial is an absolutely disgusting font. It feels dirty and grimy like a dirty mirror with fingerprints on it that you need to apply some Windex on. For my friends who stick with Arial instead of changing the document font, who hurt you? Why do you not love yourself?
Coming Soon is another story. Coming Soon truly marked my middle school experience and was definitely my go to font when opening up a google doc. Coming Soon represents innocence and carefreeness. I have always gravitated towards handwriting-esque fonts because it feels like I'm personally writing in a diary. It breaks that digital disconnect of typing on a computer--at least it used to for me. Coming Soon signified that my coming-of-age was coming soon, it signified how there was so much in store for the future. Coming Soon was that girl! Next, I slowly evolved into using Courier New.
Courier New is a cute typewriter font that made me feel mysterious. The spaced out letters felt like a scene on a show where someone is typing on a computer and the camera is on the computer screen as the words are typed out letter by letter. I don't know if that imagery is being translated into words well, but yeah that's what I saw. I still use Courier New from time to time--I wrote my outline for that long ass research paper in Courier New. CN makes me want to do work because it's an unserious font. That's part of the reason why font choices are so important. Sometimes, I physically cannot write if the font is bothering me. Other times, when I'm experiencing writers block, I try to write in a completely different font just to get me to keep typing stuff. What I feel for CN is lust, not love, which is why we never work out long term. Moving on, at the end of high school/beginning of college in my free time I was a Roboto girly.
(Roboto Regular or Medium) Now, Roboto has a lot of sons--Ubuntu, Nunito, Verdana, but like sons they just cannot truly live up to mother. Roboto is mother. Roboto is classy, reliable, clear, and consistent. You just really don't get consistency like you do with Roboto. When I'm looking for a stable font that's easy on the eyes I run back to Roboto. Roboto is my wife and we have a happy home, side pieces may try to slide in and ruin what we have (sometimes I let them), but I will always stay loyal to Roboto in the end. Right now, it's been a minute since I used Roboto. I just got a little bored with her. I wanted to explore other fonts, but now I'm tempted to go back to her. She's professional, sleek, and structured. At my core, Roboto has my heart. Here we are in present day, fully evolved, and I want to introduce you to Calibri.
Calibri is my current everyday font, and I stand beside it. When you think of me, think of Calibri. Calibri is so cute and fun, but put together at the same time. She's small, but mighty and is perfect for drafting out blog posts. It makes you focus on every word you type and it's significance because it's the type of font that looks good when you have more words. Calibri brings me peace and I enjoy that peace. If Calibri were a person, she'd be my second wife. Young and full of life, but still perfect wife material. We're soulmates. I'd be a great spouse because I have been bettered by my first (now ex-) wife Roboto. She is my bimbo. She is a bimbo. We have reached the end of our evolution timeline using fonts.
Closing Remarks:
I ask you to now, with this in mind, think about your go-to font. What does it say about you as a person? If you're stuck, let me know and I'll give you a reading. For my Times New Roman Stockholm syndromers, I hope you find peace. Let go and find freedom. It is never that serious, have a little fun. Explore!
Unfourntantely, for my latest batch of final papers I found myself using...using...T-..Tim-... TIMES NEW ROMAN for my outlines 😖. Don't look at me! I'm disgusting. I can't believe I have been undertaken like this. FREE ME! Never did I think I would see the days when I would be using Times New Roman outside of my essay google doc. This is the beginning of the end...
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