As I've started thinking more about the way I dress I realized I have to release the hold the importance of appearance has on me. Whenever I plan to go outside my front door I feel the need to control how people perceive me through my appearance. My personal style is going to play a bigger role in my life now because I'm not going to wear uniforms to school anymore, and I cannot look like a bum my friends.
Dress how you want to feel.
I have to wear the clothes and not let the clothes wear me. Its easy to find a cute socially acceptable outfit but sometimes I lose myself in my clothes. I let them control me too much when really I'm the one in charge. Specifically, when I wear an outfit I feel really cute in I feel meh because I want to be noticed but at the same time I don't want to be noticed. I feel more confident in clothes that cover me up more because then I'm like, "Well people can't find anything to make me feel bad about." So when I wear clothes I feel good in and that are really cute I feel like I'm doing too much. I struggle with that constant feeling of doing too much if I wear a "put together" outfit. It feels obvious that I'm trying too hard and that I actually put effort into my outfit which for some reason feels embarrassing? But then I have to ask the question, what's wrong with doing too much? There is no scale saying how much you should do and what's doing too much--you can do not enough, but you can never do too much (appearance wise). "Doing too much" and "over-dressing" is a made up concept of making people feel bad for dressing how they want to dress no matter the occasion. Over-dressing is simply dressing how you want to feel, and that's what I aim to do when I put on clothes.
When I was younger I was anti-fashion (or so I thought) because my mom was so into it--like a fashionista, and I was like girl it's just clothes (I was in my not like other girls phase). Now I enjoy putting effort into my clothes and outfits (and realized I always have) because its fun to wear what you want wear and have fun with it. Clothing is important to have fun with, not even just about getting brands, but because you get to define what it means to you to be put together or dripped out. It's been fun to discover what that means to me. Look good, feel good. I put perfume on even before I go to sleep (after I get out the shower) because it just makes me feel better, LMAO.
Choose what fits you even if its not on trend.
When finding your style you don't have to be anti what's trendy/popular. Remember Thrasher shirts? All the cool kids in 9th grade were wearing thrasher shirts and fire vans to match and I though that was so my brand. I really wanted a Thrasher shirt because I thought they were so me, but never got one because I assumed they were out of my reach. I ended up getting the fire vans though. Once those Thrasher shirts quietly went out of style I didn't think about them until I was taking notes for this post, but those fire vans did start my vans collection. I say this to say that you can pull what you like from trends and make them a part of your style and it doesn't have to be the whole trend. Are vans still trendy? I know people shit on them--I get tons of slack from those bing the only shoes I wear lmaoo. Choose what fits you even if its not on trend. What makes a person's style is pulling from different styles; The goal isn't to be the only one who dresses like you, aka originality, the goal is to dress in a way that makes you happy. Have an identity in your clothes, how are you going to be happy if your style is dependent on what other people find popular. During quarantine, Tik Tok made me feel more fashion forward so I headed to Shein to find the clothes that I saw on Tik Tok, but when I was looking at the clothes I couldn't get into it. I had to ask myself:
Could I see this one me?
Would I feel comfortable in this?
Is this something I would wear again? Three times, at the very least?
Don't buy things just because you know you'll fit in with the style you're going for if you wear it. When I was younger (when I wasn't the one paying for stuff), I'd maybe ask for a certain pair of shoes because they were popular and the I would wear them and feel happy not because I liked the shoes but because they made me feel like I was apart of something. Now I hate them because I didn't really like them I just knew it would make me look cool to other people. Sorry to my Jordan 12s :( .
No $200 Shein hauls
Before you click off I'm not telling you not to buy from Shein. I don't care to get into that debate and I have no strong option on either side, just don't buy so many clothes at once. I don't think anyone who's reading this is doing $900 Shein hauls, but if you are trying to change your wardrobe don't buy in bulk all at once and especially not from one store. I know there's a rush to change everything up before heading off to college, but you can slowly build up your wardrobe. Buy things from different styles one at a time to see if you like it and then move from there--there is no rush to have a fully developed closet.
Angus, Snogs, and Coupons
Coupons are your friends (yes remember coupons!!). Luckily, you can just search up "insert store name here coupons" on your cellular device and you'll be provided with some likely from the store itself. This works in person too because the cashier will just scan the barcode that's on the coupon on your phone. You should utilize coupons when shopping and always check to see if there are some online because there's always a 20% off coupon for something. Also, if you're a college student Unidays is your friend!
Expression should be accessible, but it isn't.
Expression should be accessible no matter the tax bracket (or size). Clothing is a form of expression and everyone should have equal access to it. As a L-XL girly shopping for clothes in certain stores can be hard because I'll see a really cute piece but then they won't have it in my size. It's kinda like a tease when they have other sizes and not mine. For example, I can never randomly head into Forever 21 to find a pair of jeans or cargo pants. The idea of doing that is truly laughable. Trust me I check every tag from front to bag and its filled with smalls and my enemy the mediums. Curse you smalls and mediums (the size not the people who wear them) !
Here's to not waiting until I'm skinny!
Dressing the way I dress now is like a dream come true for younger Kayla. I have always loved the skater skirt style. I was living vicariously through the whole Tumblr era of black skater skirts, converses, galaxy tights, and The Fault in Our Stars. But I was on a different app that I can't seem to remember now. Anyways, I'm glad I've reconnected with the style I loved when I was younger. That's pretty much what becoming an adult is about--reconnecting with things you loved as a child.
However, I'm still working myself out the mindset that I can only wear certain clothes once I'm skinnier. I tell myself that this won't be flattering on my body type because my back rolls are showing or my stomach is too big. Even though I know those things aren't valid once I see it on myself I'm like, "I can't do this. I'm still too big for this." I would feel good in an outfit, but just not mentally ready for the things I feel people would say about me or my body if I wore what I wanted to wear. It's easy to wear the clothes, but it's hard to tell myself that I don't care about the way people might look at me. I didn't wear crop tops before because my stomach isn't flat, but now I wear them all the time just with high waisted pants.
Get out of your comfort zone a little! Experiment, you can always return the item.
I thought when I was older I'd be skinner so I'd wear it then; I'm not skinnier I'm actually a bigger bitch than I was then. I'm tired of waiting. I've kept clothes in the back of my drawer because I'm like I can't wear this now, but if I'm a few pounds less I'll be able to wear it then (I'm looking at you pink Adidas t-shirt). It's so sad, but Tik Tok has really helped me with this because seeing other girls share this experience and overcome their fears and be brave has encouraged me to do the same. I'm no longer playing the waiting game because I'm gonna be waiting forever. If they make it in my fucking size I'm gonna wear it 🌝.
This is, of course, easier said than done. I am still suggested that I should wear a waist trainer because my stomach looks big in certain outfits, but honestly I don't care. People have stomachs! How do we ever move from a place of negativity towards larger body sizes if we are constantly trying to hide them and act like them existing is bad. It's not that serious. I think I've just gotten on my Mitchie Torres "This is Me". I truly have no desire nor patience to hate my body anymore, this is the one I've got and I'm fine with that. Plus I'm convinced that my butt got bigger and I told God and the Universe that if they gave me that I'd have no more complaints so I've got to be true to my word.
Don't wait to wear outfits
Something I do is that I aways find a super cute outfit when I'm going nowhere like to the store or something, but when its time to actually go somewhere where people will see me I can't find anything to wear 😂. I used to get frustrated by that and switch clothes to save my "good" outfit but now I don't do that anymore. There is no reason to wait to wear something in hopes that a more important event will come along. You never know who you're gonna see and you can always wear it again. Yes its true, you can rewear outfits, I know right? Wear the clothes don't let the clothes wear you.
Don't let the clothes control you because at the end of the day no matter how fun or important fashion is, they're just clothes and they don't define you.
Now entering my ✨rockstar✨ era
Okay girlies, my birthday is coming up and in honor of the big 18 I am entering my rockstar era. The rockstar era is essentially dressing as if I am a rockstar and embodying the badassery (yes that's a word, says me) of being a rockstar. I've got my hair ready, a few outfits ready, and the changing weather on my side. I am so excited! I saw all this to say, you should have fun with different styles!
I've talked about this before in a YouTube video that I may or may not link because I am still deciding if I am embarrassed by the videos on there (I am). I don't think we should force ourselves to have a certain aesthetic. Speaking for myself, I find myself wanting to pull from many different styles or may stick to a certain style for a minute and then switch up into a different one. When I thought about it in that way, I realized that its just like when music artist have certain "eras". Like Ariana in her sweetener era, or Doja in her Planet Her era, Miley in her various eras: Disney, Bangerz, and Plastic Hearts Miley. Honestly I'm loving the rockstar vibe so much because of Miley so much love to her. Anyways, back on topic. Who says ordinary people can't have eras?
The fun thing about life is that it can be as serious as you make it. Have fun a little! If you think about it, you've probably had different "eras" in your life already. I had my headband era where I had like thirty different headbands and I would always wear a headband and a bun to school everyday. In the words of Meg, "I like to switch up my style every week, I gotta switch up my hair every day." Also,
in the words of Rico Nasty,
"Do what I fucking want!"
I say that every time I'm having a moment.
Wear (and do) what you want, bestie. yolo. <3
HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD? I loved it (as always)! <3