Some backstory: whenever I have a crush, I end up writing something about them using the subject, "you". Here, I have compiled various excerpts from journal entries I've written about different crushes (teeheee) over the last year. I turned them into poems and organized them chronologically. Together, they form a nice little short story/train of thought. They don't need to be read together or taken in the context of one another, they can stand alone. Some I've already posted, others are new. Enjoy!
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if someone asked me to describe you
if someone asked me to describe you
i’d start by saying that
your eyes are intoxicating.
then i’d mention how
you have
the most welcoming smile.
when you look at me
with those eyes and give me that smile
i feel like i’m the only person
in the world
who’s ever been lucky enough
to receive
the smile that you beam.
it’s like you reserve that smile
and those eyes
just for me.
i’m afraid that if i looked you in the eye
i’d never be able to look away—
that just by looking at you
eye to eye
i’d reveal all my secrets
and you’d know
how
i really feel.
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"Too"
I wonder if we are too different. I worry about all the things that I am not and all the things that you are. I worry that maybe you need someone different, someone who is more similar to you, someone you will fit better with, someone who is not me.
I know that I worry too much and that I think too hard and that I am too hard on myself, but maybe that is because I know what I am and what I am not. So, I worry that I may not be able to handle if you cannot accept what I am not. Stupid, I know.
Trust that I have confidence in myself, but maybe I’d just prefer to avoid finding out altogether—Maybe I’d just prefer to assume that there are too many “too”s between us.
In my dream state, you reassure me that all of these worries are unfounded. In my reality, I know that I also have to do that for myself.
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?
You told me that you wanted to be there for me, for whatever I needed.
Your words told me that you were moral and honest.
Here I am, doing what I always do making you up in my head. I'm building you,
constructing you, molding you, into the perfect image, into someone I can dream about, but
are you real?
The"you" before I convinced myself I was interested, the you that exists between the lines of
those messages, the you that is kind to me. It's a sick game, getting me to want you, when I
shouldn't, and then leaving me high and dry.
I wonder if you mean those words you told me. I wonder why you told them to me, are you
trying to trick me? Can I trust you?
Or
Am I reading into all of this?
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everything
I don't know how I'd act if I got everything I wanted.
Everything being you and me.
I don't even know how I'd handle it.
I'd probably run away.
The prospect of it being real, tangible, and true
would be too much for me.
__________________________________________________________________________________
just glad to know you
sometimes i’m just so grateful to have had the chance to even experience a person.
like, no matter where we end up,
if we end up being close forever or slowly drifting apart
i’m grateful
that i got to know them when i did
and that i got to experience them in this lifetime at all.
sometimes when i worry about the future and what all these interactions accumulate to
i remind myself how lucky i am
to witness them in this moment
and for them to be a part of my story.
and i theirs.
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