when i first saw the posts circulating sharing the news that an innocent Black man in Missouri was set to be executed in a couple of days I tried to ignore them. I tapped through the instagram stories trying to create distance. I tried not to look because I wanted to suppress all that I would feel if i did. I remember watching “When They See Us”, the story of the Central Park 5, preferably called the Exonerated 5, and being so deeply uncomfortable. I bawled out buckets of tears and was left uneasy for days at the sheer levels of trauma those boys went through being imprisoned. I thought of all the innocent people who are currently imprisoned whose stories we don’t know.
So when I saw Marcellus Williams come across my timeline I tried to look away. I tried to look away because Mr. Marcellus ‘Khaliifah’ Willams’ story is not the first I’ve seen and it is not the first time our hearts have been broken watching an innocent Black man be put to death by the state. But it is the most egregious act of racism and racial-state sanctioned violence I have ever witnessed in my life and it will sit with me forever. We have witnessed a lynching. And I am so sick that I cannot bring myself to cry in fear of what will come up with my tears.
I’m surprised whenever I get emotional about these things. I didn’t know him I shouldn’t be bawling, but that’s exactly the kind of desensitized behavior that existing in a violence-, domination-centered, racist society elicits from me. This shit is ass bro. I wish I had a more flowery way of saying it. I am beyond uncomfortable, stunned, and bordering pessimism—a state of being that contradicts with the optimism I try to lead with.
As I understand it, Marcellus Williams was a writer, specifically a poet. He wrote about many things and one that’s circulated is a poem about love. What does that say to us? A man on the precipice of being executed by the state writes about the innocence of finding love. bell hooks and James Baldwin’s writings repeatedly showcase the theme of love, emphasizing that we need a culture of love and not a culture of domination (hooks) or hate (baldwin). all of the pain and suffering caused by systemic injustices does not outweigh the rallying of love and support demonstrated by everyone who did something to fight for Marcellus Williams. the hate of the state does not outweigh the transformative act of loving. james baldwin understood that love is suffering. it is not the pure, clean, aesthetically beautiful simple thing is it made out to be. it is dirty, messy, painful, complicated. we shouldn’t stop loving especially in this world. which means that we will deal with painful, complicated, undesirable emotions.
i honestly didn’t want to write anything about this but like marcellus williams, i want to champion writing and dialogue as an outlet.
“I don’t have to write. In fact, there have been long periods of time that I didn’t write a piece at all,” he said. “But it’s a way for me to express myself and communicate to be understood.” - Marcellus ‘Khaliifah’ Willams
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