men.

i wish i wasn’t so aware of men all the time as i walk down the street. looking around as if i don’t see them, mouthing the words to the song playing through my headphones a certain way because i know i am being watched. i wish i didn’t pretend to smile so they think i’m playful and fun. i wish i didn’t pretend to look focused so they think i’m smart and expressive. i wish i didn’t think about if it’s obvious i’m sucking my stomach in, or reminding myself to poke out my butt so it doesn’t look flat. i wish i wasn’t, or wouldn’t pretend to be, so aware of the world around me. i wonder when it’ll be that i’m free from worries of how people— men, consume me.